just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
