Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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