If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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