If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
