I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
