oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
