they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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