Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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