I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
