you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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