Don't make out with my wife yet
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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