He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
