two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
