Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
