last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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