He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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