i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
