Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
