Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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