when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
