I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
