Fine. I'll sleep in my office
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
