he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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