i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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