No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
