soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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