the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My hand turned me down
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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