I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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