I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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