I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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