Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
