Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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