A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
