i think i have herpe
just one?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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