So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
