Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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