One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
