things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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