Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
