I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im holly from the hills drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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