roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
