What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
