Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Text me some of your sweat
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
