If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
