Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
