come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
