i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
