How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I came so hard my ears popped.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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