You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
