you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
